Once upon a time, there was a grumpy old man with too much money. The reason he had too much money was because he had never found anything he wanted, other than to live the next day, which was free. Almost free.
He would pluck the grapes from the vineyards every morning, drink the rain water from the plant pots every day and sleep wherever his legs chose to every night; until one morning when the farmer who owned the vineyard cursed the old man. The curse made him hungrier and hungrier, for knowledge, security and luxury.
So the old man built a castle. He built it with rocks and sticks and slimy green mud, and grew his own vineyard. He sculpted his own plant pots. But he was still enormously rich.
When the castle was built, the old man let in the animals. They screamed and they howled and they scared the whole town, scared everyone but the grumpy old man. They grew so used to him that they accustomed to his habits, they understood this was his land and they never bothered him, surrounding him with their gatherings for the year.
When winter came, the animals hibernated. There was no more food to gather and those who could not sleep bathed in straw.
But the old man was hungry so he crept into the town demanding trade routes to pass through his castle's street once a week.
Thus with trade came competition, competition for his pennies. The mango trader grew richer than the banana trader and the bakery spent more flour than the patisserie. The old man was discovering food he had never tasted, from countries he had never seen, with tongues he had never heard. Hot food with fruit in that commanded that his instincts smack and drool once he had licked his lips.
On the last week of winter, no-one had any money to spare. No-one dared to venture out into the cold. So no-one brought the old man any food. Even though he was still rich.
When spring came, they realised the man was angry. He had tasted everything in the world, learnt every language and judged every human.
"Make me three delicious meals every day." he ordered, "Or I shall feed one of you to the lion."
But the town struggled to satisfy his greed. Every day, they sent someone with a meal, and every day, that someone never came back.
They tried sending naked girls to carry the food, so that he would show mercy. But he must have not cared, because no girls ever returned.
They tried sending him meals with shards of glass hidden inside that would surely kill him. But the old man must have avoided it, because no-one returned the same evening.
It took a week for them to figure out what to bring him. They sent a boy and a girl, to the grumpy old man's castle. If one did not return, the other could tell what had happened. The two huddled together amidst the foul odours and wails of the beasts. When they approached the throne room, the king asked for his meal. The two presented him with a thin, red book.
The king was dumbfounded.
"This is not delicious." he said. "And there is only one."
He stared long and hard. The cover was delicately painted, an illustration of the couple before him dancing, happily frozen as if he had dreamt it himself.
"This," he said, "is romance. This is what I am hungry for. Bring me more of this every day."
When the children bowed, the king's thumb caught the fabric of the page. Shock overcame him, he trembled and he realised. The book's cover was made up of red grape peelings. His mind had been tricked from the beginning. His first instinct had been to devour his first love.
After eating so much knowledge, the King immediately knew. They had satisfied his hunger and broken the curse. They had known his habits and planned against them. They had felt his insecurity and made him feel bold. They had smelt his lust for luxuries and created something even more luxurious. They had put themselves on a plate and spoken to his heart.
With nothing left to eat his insides, the grumpy old man took the book and left the castle in a sullen state.
He decided he was not spoiled, secure or knowledgable enough to be a king. He decided he was not worthy of the boy and girl. He left them every penny he owned until he could pay them back.
This story is how it feels to release my second book.